Faithful Main Street Peeps -
Apologies for the decidedly maudlin tone of my last post. I momentarily fell into the proverbial bell jar and was having a big ol' pity party for myself. The fact is, I got myself back into this craziness, it's up to me to get myself out. It's not like he forced me to see him again or physically stalked me. Senor Mindfuck's issues are not my issues or my problem, a fact I just need to remind myself of on an hourly basis so I don't get sucked back in to his warped logic. What I will give him is that he doesn't intend to make me crazy, it's just that his version of reality and mine are not the same. As in I'm in reality, he most of the time, at least where I am concerned, is not. Writing everything out was quite cathartic and I'm in a much better frame of mind now. So, thanks for your indulgence, and onward and upward!
In the big bad cold city, when you have a crazy job, onward and upward for ever increasing numbers of folks means consulting the internet. As in internet dating. I have tried it a couple of times over the past few years (I have to say, Bossy has had the good fortune to keep men in decent supply without trying internet dating, but she is in the minority as far as I can tell. Almost every single woman I know has tried it by her late 20s or early 30s, from hotties to girl-next-door types. Anyway, I digress!).
I was NOT excited about doing it again but decided in light of recent events it would be a good idea, if nothing else than to kick my ass into gear and really get back "out there." I usually need a really firm and swift kick in this department. To get "out there" that is.
Because here's one of MY dirty little secrets.
I love people. I love men. I love flirting. I love the more-than-flirting (you know what I mean, but I'm not describing it. THIS AIN'T no PORN site.)
BUT I HATE DATING. EVERYTHING ABOUT IT.
This could explain why I am still single.
I will qualify and say I like the IDEA of dating but the reality has always sucked. For me. Thus I hate it.
I am at heart risk-averse, or at most a calculated risk-taker. Very calculated, in a manner that dating doesn't allow for. Because I won't know before I date the guy (in most cases anyway) whether he really likes me or finds me at best a platonic buddy. And I need to know these things before I will even come close to expressing interest. Dating requires confidence and leaps of faith, neither of which I have been particularly good at.
Now if a guy wants to take me out to dinner, I am oh-so-cool with that. I am a friendly girl, and I like good food as well as good conversation. Unless it is a DATE. It sends me into a tailspin. Who needs the pressure? I always feel on edge about being judged. My friends frequently tell me I'm ridiculous because they think I have nothing to worry about. But I am secretly convinced that men on a first date can not only guess my (higher than I'd like) weight and that knowledge is the anti-Viagra, they can also SEE MY CELLULITE. THROUGH MY CLOTHES. And that they find it. Utterly. Repulsive. Or that they can somehow sense what an undatable geek I was in high school and are afraid that I still am. An undatable geek, that is. Just with way better clothes and makeup.
Anyhoo. Since America frowns on arranged marriage, and quite frankly I don't know who I would trust to pick someone out for me, I am forced reluctantly into the dating world on occasion.
Bossy and Sassy were heavy proponents of "Flirty does the Internet" and ganged up on me, so here I am. A re-subscriber to a leading internet dating site. Back for Round 2, hoping this major market has more play than the medium-sized market where I last tried it. I have further promised to have an open mind and to be patient. Which is EXTREMELY difficult for me. The patient part anyway.
So. Here. We. Go.
The good news? I am getting TONS of matches. At least five times the matches I got the last time I tried it. And it's only been a couple of days.
First, a few general observations.
I am consistently getting matched with engineer types, science types, and a few government and military types. It begs the question - is this my type, or does this just reinforce the stereotype that these fellows tend to be way more introverted and thus the internet is a more popular option for them?
One thing is for sure.
Engineers cannot spell.
And I'm a lawyer. Precise spelling and grammar is very necessary to my happiness. The lack of it drives me CRAZY.
Especially the guy who misspelled engineer. No joke. He listed his profession as "enginneer."
But in the spirit of openmindedness, I am attempting to overlook that. He is Latino, so I'm proceeding on the assumption that perhaps English is not his first language. So I decide to respond to his invitation to chat.
However, on this particular site, you don't just start emailing. There are these early steps called "Guided Communication."
So if a dude is interested, he sends you some multiple choice questions. You send the answers, and then your own questions.
At this stage, I learned our enginNeer "likes traditional gender roles and wants to be in a relationship that celebrates them."
Hmmm. Not so sure about that one. But am keeping an open mind.
The next stage is exchanging lists of Must Haves and Can't Stands. Basically your dealbreakers, which is efficient, but weird, because it's not like you'd EVER throw that out there on a first or even third date. At least I wouldn't. But since I'm given no choice, we exchanged the lists.
One of his Must Haves: I must have a partner who mainly enjoys staying in together and having quiet evenings alone or with close friends.
Sigh. That sounds exactly like me. About 6 times a year. But he enjoys salsa dancing, so maybe we can strike a compromise.
One of his Can't Stands: Workaholic.
Sigh again. I'm in a job where it doesn't really matter if I am a workaholic at heart or not. Workaholism is forced upon me at every turn. It's in the job description.
This is not looking good.
Next Can't Stand: I can't stand someone who is overweight.
Now, I have full body pictures posted in my profile (nothing gross, get your minds out of the gutter) so maybe his idea of overweight and mine are not the same, but facts are facts, and I have some weight to lose. So technically (gulp) I am overweight.
Put that with the fact that one of his Must Haves was that I had to agree to take care of his parents at some point, while one of his Can't Stands was if my relatives and friends are a big part of my life.
So, I have a mental picture of a somewhat controlling sexist guy. Which may or may not be fair, but in any event, I am not seeing any compatibility. So I hit "Close Match."
Why waste time right?
When you close a match, the other person gets to write you a little message. They never do.
Except this guy.
He writes: I really thought we had potential and hope you will reconsider.
WTF?
So, loyal reader(s), what should I do? Meet for the requisite coffee just to see? Or continue to call it a day and troll (I mean look) for more compatible matches?
Oh, and these stories will continue for as long as I can stand online dating this time around, so fasten your seatbelts, kids! It's going to be an AMAZING ride :)
