Flirty and Sassy have a special understanding of the way I say that. Because it's not just "I hate him," but instead it has a certain ring to it...
I really do hate him. Jake Brigance that is.
I hate myself too. For giving in last week, and admitting (to the girls, not to him) that I LIKE him, and I wanted to date him and see what happened.
I took a chance, and I got burned.
He has issues, and I know objectively that this is the last person that I need or want. So I told him, two nights ago, that I just can't date him anymore. Because he refused to stop the emotional games with me - he refused to stop pushing me away. It was a new trick of his, one that he just began a couple of weeks ago. And it hurt. It made me sick to my stomach. I merely asked for him to go back to being cool and fun, with no worries, just letting things go with the flow. But he refused.
So I said, No More.
Seemingly, making the ration decision.
But then, he called me and texted me the following day. We talked on the phone for an hour. It was nice, it was easy. It was like it used to be. I foolishly thought, maybe he realized that he doesn't want me to go away.
Then tonight happened.
This afternoon, I received very upsetting news re: my father. He is leaving my stepmom, and is moving, far away. He didn't even tell me. And he leaves this weekend.
So I called Jake, because he knew the full story surrounding this latest about my father. He seemed caring and sympathetic enough. We let each other go, but not before he voluntarily said, I'll call you later.
Stupid girl for believing that maybe, just maybe, he realized that this was one more "change," one more thing added to my plate, and that more than ever I just needed a friend to be there for me.
But he never called. So I worked late, to keep my mind off things. Then the Comedian asked me to meet him out. I did. At the very place that Jake showed up with his YOGA INSTRUCTOR, AKA the Dogwalker. It felt like someone punched me in the stomach when he walked in with her.
The Comedian talked me down from the ledge, pointed out that probably not a big deal. Just the same as the fact that I was there with the Comedian was nothing more than friendly.
But I couldn't help but think, "but he KNEW I was sad today, and yet, no time for me. But all the time in the world for 'Miss flexible.'"
Jake spots me, and goes to the restroom, and texts: I am here with my dogwalker. She has a boyfriend, so don't give me crap.
I laugh to myself. He came out of the bathroom, and headed straight to me. He fell all over himself explaining his actions. The Comedian said that I had "won" this. That all was cool.
Jake was nice, attentive, came up to me a couple of times. But then he left, and we had a little discussion before he left that wasn't so great. And he walked out with her, to take her to her car allegedly.
Maybe it's not fair of me to care, because I did tell him I couldn't date him anymore.
I'm so sick of mixed signals.
I don't know why I am letting this bother me. I deserve better. I deserve someone who respects me, who can see me for who I am, and not just assume that I'm attempting to steal his independence. Not someone who makes me feel this way. Who couldn't even be there for me this one night.
I am not answering his calls all weekend. IF he even tries to contact me.
