I met Bossy last Thursday night at our favorite downtown trendy restaurant/watering hole, fully intending to have exactly one drink after my rehearsal (I'm a singer, but more about that later) to unwind, and fully intending to be in my bed no later than midnight. But then THIS happened. And next thing I knew, it was 3 AM. On a school night. We're so bad. On the other hand, FUNNY SHIT HAPPENED so it's all good.
One of our favorite bartenders got a late-night phone call on his cell phone. I jokingly called out to him...BOOTY CALL BABY! Two heads swung around to check me out. They thought I was talking to them. Of course they did. So, being the Flirty Girl that I am, I was nice enough to start chatting with them. They were being extremely complimentary and we were making friendly small talk. They mentioned their age - 23 and 25. I giggled and said "oh, you boys are so sweet but FAR too young for me." I'm, ahem, a bit older than 23 or 25. Well, the idea of getting it on with an older woman opened the floodgates to the following array of pickup lines. Can't say they weren't working hard for it, I guess. Here is a sampling:
-"You need a younger man. We're freakier in bed." The 23-year-old claimed he was WAY freakier than his friend the 25-year-old.
-"You need a thug in your life."
-The 25-year-old, an aspiring rapper, did a little freestyle for me. Unfortunately for him, the bartender showed him up not long after with his own, better, longer freestyle rap. Plus Rapper Boy was wearing an earpiece. I have issues with men sporting Bluetooth. As in it is a dealbreaker.
-"I want to spend some time with you and get to know you as a person. If we happen to have sex from time to time, all the better, but that's entirely up to you."
-"You're thick with a skinny waist. I like that. I can tell you've been eating a lot of southern food." AHEM! Not a successful line, even if you like the supposed thickness, whether or not it is an accurate assessment of my ass.
-"When's the last time you were bent over?"
-"You can take either of us. Or both of us."
-"Baby I'm gonna dick you down."
I think I may be forgetting a few, but really do you need to hear more? And no, I did not go home with them. But they were cute. And they cracked me up. And maybe someday, if I'm feeling generous and irresponsible, one of them will get to check off the "older woman" box on their hookup list. I will keep you posted.
